If you are going to run a successful social media campaign, for a real life client, there are some things you are going to have to come to terms with. Depending on your current state of mind this may involve you growing a pair.

Firstly, the last thing you want to say to a client looking to do social media is yes. Really the very last thing you should ever say to them is yes. If you want to be a social media manager/guru/flunky you may as well strike that word from your vocabulary all together, shall we do it now…yes there doesn’t that feel better?

Now you need to figure out what you are going to say to them, do you have your big girl pants on, because you’re going to need them…You’re going to say NO! That’s right you’re going to be a big meanie and tell the client what they are going to do. Now what I’ve done to make this easier for you is put together some practice phrases. Stand in front of your mirror in your bed room and repeat the following until you can say it without crying, OK?

NO you don’t want a twitter account Mr client, your audience is made up of 21 year olds on low incomes, that is not a key twitter demographic

NO you don’t want a facebook page Mr client, your industry is not one people like to talk nicely about and opening a facebook page just gives them another chance to bash you.

NO Mr client no one wants to read a blog about rubber table leg ends

All done? Has the weeping stopped? Good, because you’re not done yet. Now step two is to tell them what is going to happen, did you see the key phrase there, Tell that’s right, you’re going to be in charge. So some more practice for you these ones you have to say until you sound like you really know what you’re talking about, off you go

You MUST have something interesting to say Mr Client

You MUST strike while the iron is hot and take advantage of today’s news, not last weeks news Mr Client

You MUST engage your audience how they want to be engaged with Mr Client, not just talk at them

Well done, you have now managed to get to the point where you should be allowed to start thinking about managing a social media campaign.  Whether you actually manage to keep the client for more then the next 2 hours, well that’s up to you.

It seems that Stu and I are alternating from female to male (and Stu is getting all the girls), so I have hand-selected Social Media and SEO expert Ciarán Norris.

Give us a brief history of you life in SEO/Social Media.

I spent seven years working in online publishing (at Centaur & RBI) and when I got to RBI I worked on a major site relaunch: hours were spent on branding and the like but after we moved to our new domain traffic from Google fell off a cliff.

I took myself along to SES London to find out what could be done (yep, we’d used a 302!) and after becoming part of the first ever search marketing team at RBI, moved to eyefall, which became Altogether, and the rest is history.

You recently moved from Alltogether to Mindshare. What were you proudest moments with Alltogether?

There are probably three:

• winning the IMA Award for Best Viral for Do The Test, which was a collaboration with WCRS (they created it, we spread it)
• being part of the winning pitch team on Sony, which was a massive deal for Altogether
• (on a personal level) giving SEO training to BBC journalists – as a frustrated hack, it doesn’t get much better than that

What have your first days at Mindshare been like?

A fun blur – 2.5 days in the office, then went to speak at Online Marketing Show before flying to Amsterdam to meet our main client (Nike) and the guys who run SocialMedia8, the agency that my new division is partnering with.

Have you bagged yourself some free Nikes yet?

Not free, but I was lucky enough to get a tasty discount on a pair of Nike Tennis – an lost classic in my eyes, and the some of the most comfortable trainers ever made.

Your personal site currently ranks #5 for Ciaran and #6 for Ciarán on google.co.uk (#7 and #10 on google.com). How are you planning to push out that actor and those baby name sites?

I’ve never really taken my personal SEO as seriously as I probably should do. To be honest I’ve not really thought about it but am open to suggestions.

ST: On his about page Ciarán says:

I’m also trying to improve my rank for the words Ciaran & Ciarán. Yes, I really am that exciting.

You are a regular blogger and cover topics from social media to lost gloves. What motivates you to write?

I’m a frustrated journo. I used to write for the NUS paper at university and have loved writing since I was a child.

Blogging has truly been a revolutionary development for me because even if no-one reads my stuff, I just love writing it. And I think gloves tell stories which probably makes me a little strange.

It is clear you love The Guardian just a little too much. Have you ever sought out opportunities to work with them?

I think they’re an amazing brand, with an incredible set-up. I’d love to work with them in some capacity at some point, but to be honest they seem to be doing quite fine without me.

What really is exciting me though is helping out the people behind Brownswood, Gilles Peterson’s record label, to make sense of the web. Anyone who’s read any of my music posts will know that I think Gilles is the 21st Century’s John Peel and someone the BBC don’t appreciate anywhere near as much as they should.

You have a have built up good relationships with many other top SEOs and are always around at social events. How do you think this has helped you in your work?

Immeasurably. The help & assistance that people are willing to share never ceases to amaze me.

If you were a Transformer, which one would you be?

Bumblebee.

Tea or coffee?

Tea. It’s God’s drink. Coffee is the devil’s sweat.

If you could do any job other than working online, what would you do?

Running a second hand book & record store on a beach somewhere I reckon.

What are the top SEO and social media tips you find yourself giving most often to clients?

SEO – think about what people would actually call your products and avoid jargon. Social media – why should anyone care? Put yourself in the consumers’ shoes and you might come up with something worthwhile.

Thanks Ciarán for a great BIO. If you aren’t already, why not follow him on Twitter to get to know him better!